Here to Stay
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.
1. Chapter 1

A new WIP inspired by N'Sync's This I Promise You. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Their first night together was bliss.

After months of waiting, of hoping and dreaming, he finally was able to hold her in his arms. His imagination simply couldn't compare to the real thing. Afterward, he simply held her and watched her sleep for hours, completely content and so certain he had found the woman he was meant to spend the rest of his life with. He fell asleep happy for the first time in far too long.

When the morning came and he left sleep's sweet embrace, the first thing he did was reach out to pull her back into his arms. But the sheets were cold, and his hand just kept reaching…

* * *

"Lassiter!"

Lassiter jumped slightly and looked up, his expression perplexed and slightly annoyed. His partner and best friend, Juliet O'Hara, stood in front of him, waving a brown paper bag in his face. "What?" he bit out, his tone a little more harsh than he meant it to be.

Hurt briefly flashed in her blue-green eyes, but she seemed to recover quickly as she thrust the bag and a cup of coffee at him. "Breakfast." Without another word, she spun around on her heel and walked back to her desk.

Letting out a drained sigh, Lassiter opened the brown bag and found a banana nut muffin from his favorite bakery. Guilt seized his heart. Ever since Juliet had moved in with that asshat Spencer , and being forced to deal with yet another romantic failure on his part, he was taking things out on her he probably shouldn't have. She was his best friend and the only person willing to put up with him, no matter how stupid he was acting. He had been taking it for granted far too much lately.

"O'Hara." He stood up as Juliet turned at the sound of his voice. Setting the bag down, he walked around his desk and over to his partner. "I'm sorry. Thank you for breakfast."

One light eyebrow raised curiously. "You're welcome, Carlton."

Without conscious thought, his piercing eyes looked over her. As usual, she was a vision of beauty in her normal work attire. Her long blond tresses were pulled back in a casual ponytail, and just a touch of makeup completed the perfect look. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Lassiter rocked back slightly on his heels. "I've been an ass lately."

"Carlton…"

He held up a hand, gently cutting her off. "I know I've been, and I want to take you to dinner tonight. My treat."

A strange look crossed her face, and he prepared himself for rejection. Beyond the work place, she had no obligation to him and he knew it. Then she smiled, nearly flooring him.

"Of course, Carlton. What time?"

"Does six work for you?"

"Sounds wonderful." Then her hand brushed his arm lightly, and he was unable to breathe or think as she went back to her desk and opened a file.

Eventually he found his equilibrium again and went to his own desk, where he was unable to concentrate on anything at all for the rest of the morning.

Damn it.

* * *

Juliet caught herself smiling at the most random times through the day. Ever since she had started dating Shawn and Carlton found out before she could break the news to him herself, their partnership and friendship had suffered. She was mostly to blame; if she had just come clean to him before anyone else, maybe he wouldn't have taken it so hard. She knew he was a man who valued relationships, and she had betrayed him by not honoring the thing he held most dear: honesty. She loved Shawn deeply, but the relationship she shared with Carlton went far beyond that. Partners had to trust each other or lives could potentially end. They placed their lives in each other's hands every day, and they knew the best and worst things about each other. He knew her better than Shawn ever had, or possibly ever would. It was part of the job.

And yet…

Her eyes went to Carlton. He was poring over a file in front of him, his brow furrowed in concentration and the tip of his tongue pointing out ever so slightly. At the same moment, he looked up and met her eyes. Instead of looking away, they shared a brief smile. But the moment was broken when Juliet's phone began to buzz by her right hand. Out of habit, she grabbed it and checked the screen. A text from Shawn was waiting for her.

_Hey, Jules. Mexican tonight? _

The message was punctuated by a little smiley emoticon, Shawn's favorite way to end a message. Usually she would have lit up and begun planning the rest of her evening with her boyfriend, but today something stopped her. Her fingers lightly tapped across the screen, forming her polite refusal.

_Sorry, Shawn. I already have dinner plans with a friend._

The reply was almost immediate.

_Who? Gus was gonna come with us, and you didn't mention plans last night_…

She huffed slightly. Of course he would bring Gus into this, even though Gus had a lovely girlfriend and her young son. He would probably be spending the evening with them, unless Shawn guilted him into making other plans.

_It was last minute. I'll see you at home tonight_.

With that, she set her phone down and ignored when it buzzed again. Across the room, Carlton gave her a questioning look. She sent him a reassuring smile and shook her head slightly. Always the gentleman, Carlton smiled and lowered his head, letting the question drop. It was just the kind of man he was. He would never press her to answer a question she didn't want to. A strange warmth swept through her, which she quickly tamped down. She had been focusing too much on her relationship with Carlton lately. She had a boyfriend, one whom she had just moved in with. They had spent five years dancing around each other, missing chances and sending longing glances while they each dated different people. She had wanted him for so long, and now that she had him, she wasn't going to give up on the relationship without a fight.

Even if the best reason for doing just that was sitting across from her.

* * *

Promptly at six o'clock, Juliet and Lassiter shut down their computers, put away their files, and clocked out for the night. Instead of taking separate cars to the restaurant, Lassiter invited Juliet to join him in his Fusion. He had made reservations at a nice but not too nice place where they wouldn't have to worry about changing from their work clothes. It also helped that he knew the owner, enabling him to snag a nice table with little notice. A small voice at the back of his mind whispered about the effort he was putting into this evening, but he ignored it. Julie deserved a nice night out with a friend, even if it was him.

When he pulled into the parking lot, Juliet gasped softly. "The Shamrock, Carlton?"

He couldn't help smiling as he turned off the engine. "It's a nice place."

"You're not kidding."

They got out of the Fusion, and ever the gentleman, Lassiter rested a hand on the small of Juliet's back as he guided her into the restaurant. As soon as they were inside, a sultry voice heavily laden with Irish brogue called out to him.

"Carlton, a thaisce. Conas atá tú anocht?"

Sarah Brennan glided gracefully across the floor. Ever the beauty, she was dressed in a long black dress which looked to be made of silk or some other fine material. It clung to her body, accenting her generous curves in all the right ways. Her fiery red hair, styled in curls and framing her face, offset the pallid tone of her ivory skin. As soon as she reached them, she reached out and framed his face with soft hands. Then she planted a kiss on his lips.

He could practically feel Juliet bristle beside him, catching him offguard. He grasped Sarah's arms and held her at a distance. "I'm fine, Sarah. Thanks for squeezing us in on such short notice." Once, years ago, he and Sarah had slept together. She was a fireball in bed and everywhere else in her life, but he had felt little more than a fond affection for her. Apparently she still carried a torch for him, though.

Sarah waved a perfectly manicured hand dismissively. "Anything for you, Carlton," she purred. She barely seemed to notice Juliet. "Your table is right over here. Just follow me."

Lassiter gave Juliet an apologetic look before they followed Sarah. Their table turned out to be the best one in the restaurant. Situated near a large window and away from other tables, it was perfectly…romantic. He swallowed hard and hoped like hell Juliet wouldn't think he was some kind of sex-crazed maniac.

If she was bothered, she gave no indication as they took their seats and began looking at the menus. Sarah fussed over him for another minute before she flounced away, no doubt to fawn over another gentleman.

"She seemed…nice," Juliet finally spoke, and Lassiter was surprised by the jealousy he heard in her tone. Or was he just imagining things? Juliet wasn't the type to be jealous, was she?

"She is." He looked over the menu in front of him.

"Old girlfriend?"

"Jesus, O'Hara." The words slipped out before he could stop them. "Why do you want to know?"

"It's just a question, Carlton," she defended.

"A very personal one."

"We talk about personal topics all the time."

She had him on that. "I had one date with her. One," he stressed. "Years ago."

A teasing smile formed on her pretty lips. "She seems pretty sweet on you."

"Is it so hard to believe?"

"No, not really," she confessed, taking him by surprise.

A server appeared before he could reply and took their drink orders. By the time the drinks arrived, their conversation had turned to easier topics. Work, her family, his mom and her girlfriend, McNab's impending baby announcement… All of the usual topics they covered while on a stakeout. The wine they consumed slowly loosened them up, and all too soon dessert was finished and they were ready to go. Juliet visited the ladies room while Lassiter took care of the check and said goodbye to Sarah. When Juliet reemerged, he placed his hand on her back again and led her outside, into the balmy California evening.

"This was wonderful, Carlton," Juliet murmured as they made their way to his Fusion. "I really enjoyed it."

His heart leapt slightly. "I'm glad, Juliet," he replied honestly, relishing the feel of her first name as it rolled off of his tongue so easily.

They suddenly stopped beside the passenger door, and Juliet looked up at him. Her stormy eyes were filled with an emotion he couldn't quite define, and panic welled up within him. What were they doing? They were partners, she had just moved in with that asshat Spencer, they were _friends_…

She leaned into him, resting her hand lightly over his pounding heart. But just as suddenly, she pulled away, as though she had realized what she was doing and decided it as a colossal mistake.

"I…I need some air," she stuttered, taking a step back from him.

His hand almost reached out to pull her back into him, but he commanded it to stay in place. "Let me drive you home."

"No, no… I think I'm going to get a cab." The watery smile she offered him, combined with her words, was enough to break his heart.

"Juliet…"

"Please, Carlton." Her feet moved another step back. "I'll call you later, okay?"

Deflated, all he could do was watch as she retreated back into the restaurant, no doubt to call a cab. He let loose a low growl. Stupid, idiot, moronic, gigantic of Spencer proportions, asshat!

What had he just done?

* * *

In the restaurant, Juliet called a cab and watched from the window as Carlton got into his Fusion and drove out of the parking lot. She wanted so desperately to chase him and beg his forgiveness for her own thoughtless behavior, but her feet remained rooted in place.

Once she knew the cab was coming, she dialed Shawn's number and waited patiently for him to answer. He picked up on the third ring, and Gus' voice could be heard as he greeted her brightly.

"Hey, Shawn. I'm coming home. Do you think you can send Gus home? No, I just need some time with you…"

To Be Continued...


	2. I Almost Do

While writing this chapter, I was listening to the Taylor Swift song I Almost Do. I highly recommend listening to it while reading this chapter. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Juliet made it home a little past midnight. The drinks she'd consumed at dinner had burned out of her system already, leaving her head unfortunately clear and free to go over every mistake she had made that evening.

Jealousy shown? Check.

Sticking her nose where it didn't belong? Check.

Blowing off her boyfriend? Check.

Making a move on her partner, colleague and best friend while forgetting her faithful boyfriend at their new apartment? Done and done.

God, she was a stupid woman.

Retrieving her keys from her pocket, she unlocked the front door of her new apartment and let herself in. Despite the darkness, she could immediately see Shawn and Gus on the couch, snacking on nachos and engrossed in what was no doubt an eighties flick. Anger bubbled up in her chest. Anger and hurt. She had no right to be feeling either of those emotions; just an hour ago, she had almost single-handedly wrecked two of the most important relationships in her life. Just as quickly as it appeared, her anger was gone. She removed her jacket and holster, hanging them on the coat rack by the front door. Then she kicked her shoes off and headed into the bedroom she shared with Shawn.

Less than five minutes later, she was tucked into their queen-size bed and her eyes were too heavy to keep open any longer. Her phone, placed on the nightstand beside the bed, lit up, but she didn't notice. She curled up on her side and fell asleep listening to the laughter vibrating from the living room.

* * *

Across town, Lassiter stalked into his apartment with the intention of going to bed. Instead, he detoured into the kitchen and found a bottle of his old friend, Jack. He opened the bottle and took a long pull, embracing the rush the alcohol sent through him. He had work in the morning, but the hell with it. Juliet could use a break from him, and truthfully, he needed one from her. He was one wrong step from doing something incredibly stupid, something he wouldn't be able to come back from. Tonight was the worst in many ways, and the best in others. He took another drink and relished the burn.

Tonight, he was going to drink her away.

* * *

The next morning, Juliet was the first to arrive at work, much to her surprise. Usually by the time she arrived, Lassiter was already filling out paperwork and waiting on her. Unsettled, she set her jacket down and turned on her computer.

Lassiter arrived a half-hour later, looking like hell. Juliet longed to ask if he was okay, but it was clear he wasn't. So she kept her mouth shut and her focus on her own paperwork.

The tension was palpable between both of them for the entire day, so much so that no one dared approach either of their desks. At four o'clock, Vick told them to head home and get some rest. Juliet almost offered Lassiter a ride home, but he was already up and out the door before she could manage to form the words. Helpless, she watched him go with a heavy heart.

God, she had screwed all of this up.

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When she arrived at home, Shawn was waiting for her. To her surprise, he had dinner on the table, complete with candles and a bottle of wine chilling in a bucket of ice. She stripped her jacket and holster off her body. "Shawn?" Her voice echoed strangely off the walls, and for a moment, she didn't even recognize the sound as her own voice.

Shawn poked his head out of the kitchen and shot her a dazzling smile. "Hi, sweetheart. I made dinner!"

"I see that…" It looked delicious, and her stomach grumbled noisily as she moved closer to the table.

Emerging fully from the kitchen, Shawn slid up behind her and wrapped his arms around her slender waist. Then he gently moved her hair aside and trailed his lips over her neck.

Juliet froze initially, but soon his ministrations had her melting against him. His arms held her closer as he whispered into her ear.

"Marry me, Juliet."

* * *

Sometime around midnight, Lassiter finally went to bed. His irritation at himself had drained him, and he was looking forward to crawling between those sheets and at least trying to sleep. But his phone had other ideas as he rested his head on his pillows. The annoying thing began vibrating on his nightstand almost immediately. Scowling, he contemplated not answering it. But knowing his luck, it was probably work and he couldn't ignore it. So he snatched the thing and held it close to his face. It was a text from Juliet. His heart began to jackhammer in his chest. Either it was a case or something was wrong. Neither scenario made him happy. He opened the text and was immediately thankful he was lying down, because he would have hit his knees otherwise.

_Shawn proposed to me_.

Sitting up in his bed, he fumbled with the lamp before he was able to turn it on and a dim light flooded the room. It was inevitable, he supposed. What man wouldn't propose to Juliet, given half a chance? She was beautiful, sweet, smart, and could kick ass with the best of them.

His palms began to sweat mercilessly. Was this it? For so long, he had been able to fool himself into thinking the relationship would end eventually. Maybe the idiot really cared about Juliet, but he loved himself and Gus more. He wasn't the settling down kind, and eventually the novice of a serious relationship would wear off and he would run. It just seemed so obvious, Carlton never even gave a second thought to the other possibility: Spencer would one day propose to Juliet, she would accept, and they would live out the traditional happily ever after with 2.5 kids, a white picket fence and a dog.

A hard lump formed in his throat as he read the text over and over, still unable to make sense of it.

_Shawn proposed to me_.

He fought the suddenly overwhelming desire to throw the phone against the wall and revel in the shattered pieces. This couldn't end well. It wouldn't. Either Spencer would take off and break Juliet's heart in the process, or Juliet would come to her senses and realize he was nowhere near good enough for her. In either scenario, Juliet would be the one who wound up hurt, and he felt sick at the thought of Juliet feeling any kind of pain. She was too sweet, too good and kind to deserve to be in pain.

_Shawn proposed to me_.

Swinging his lanky legs over the side of the bed, Lassiter stood up and started to pace, the phone still clutched in his sweaty palm. It suddenly vibrated again, startling him. He swung it up to his face.

Another text from Juliet.

Did he really want to know what she had to say now? Was she going to ask him to be part of the wedding? Would she ask him to be the godfather of her first child? A cold fear snaked around his heart.

Was she pregnant with Spencer's child?

Finally he decided that the only way to know what the message said was to _read_ it. So he opened the message, and his heart stopped.

_Open your door_.

Dropping the phone on his bed, he rushed out of the bedroom and into the dark living room. Not bothering to turn on a light, he unlocked the front door and pulled it open.

Juliet stood in front of him, her arms wrapped tightly around herself and her head hung low. It took every ounce of strength he had not to pull her against his chest and hold her for the rest of his life. "O'Hara?"

She finally looked up at him, and the pain in her eyes floored him. "Can I come in?" she whispered.

"Of course…" He ushered her inside and closed the door, locking it again. Without prompting, Juliet made her way to his couch and sat down, her arms still securely wrapped around her slender waist. He watched her for a moment before joining her on the couch, taking care to maintain a professional distance between them.

Silence reigned supreme for a while, until he broke it. "O'Hara, what happened?"

"Shawn proposed to me."

His eyes immediately went to her left hand, which was suspiciously bare. "Oh?"

"Yeah. I came home and he had this fancy dinner and he just asked me…" She finally unwrapped her arms from around herself and cradled her head in her hands.

Lassiter waited patiently for her to continue.

"He just… I don't…" Then the tears came in a torrent, and Lassiter gave up. He wrapped an arm around her and guided her against his chest, hoping like hell she wouldn't make him for the gesture. To his surprise, she turned into him and buried her face in his old t-shirt.

"It wasn't like I hoped," she finally continued, her voice muffled by his shirt. "He didn't even have a ring. Said his dad had it or something."

Lassiter barely contained a growl of distaste.

"I don't know what to do, Carlton. I love him, but I'm not ready to be married. Not to him. But we just moved in, and I don't want to break up with him…"

He hated himself for the thoughts currently running through his head. Of course she didn't want to be married to an asshat like Spencer. She had _some_ common sense after all. What would happen if they got married and had a kid? How long would it take Spencer to get bored of playing house and call it quits? He wasn't the marrying kind, no matter what woman was with him. Even someone as special and amazing as Juliet couldn't settle him down. Or was this all in his head? Was he so desperate to call Juliet his own…?

_No_, a voice in his head resounded. He just wanted her to be happy, no matter what that meant. He wanted her to have anything and everything she wanted in life, and if she believed Spencer would give that to her, then he would do everything he could to help her. He would hate himself later for it, but he had to.

"Then tell him that," he heard himself murmur. "Tell him you're not ready to be married, but you want to live with him."

"You make it sound so easy, Carlton," she whispered.

"Because it is. If he can't understand you need a little time, then…"

"Then he's not the one?"

"Something like that."

She curled up closer to him, sending an ache of longing racing through his chest. "Can I just…?"

"What?"

"Can I stay here for a little while?"

_No, you can't_, he wanted to say. _You can't stay unless it's forever_. But he didn't want to scare her into requesting a new partner. Losing her now would kill him. So he just said, "Of course." Because he would rather die than ever admit the truth.

She smiled and yawned against his chest. "Thanks, Carlton."

He just nodded and slid an arm over her, holding her securely to his chest. After a while, her breathing evened out as she drifted into sleep. But there was no sleep to be had for him, not while he was so close and so far from what he knew he wanted.

This had to be what hell was like, he decided as Juliet burrowed deeper into his chest while she slept. Holding her and knowing she would never be his. Didn't she know this was slowly killing him? Of course not, and she would never hear it from him. He would play the part of a good partner and best friend, no matter the cost to him.

As long as Juliet was happy, he would forever play the part of the supportive best friend.

To Be Continued...


	3. Beyond

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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When Lassiter awoke the next morning, he was still lying on the couch, but he was alone. A warm blanket had been draped over him, and he could smell coffee percolating in the kitchen. With a soft groan, he sat up and looked around. Any trace of Juliet was gone, making him briefly wonder if it had all been a dream. But it wasn't, and he was alone again. With a sigh, he stood up and winced as his joints cracked audibly. His first instinct was to head straight for the kitchen, where he would find coffee courtesy of Juliet. But a knock at his front door made him grumble and change direction. When would he catch a break?

Crossing the floor in his bare feet, he unlocked the door and opened it, only to find no one was there. His brow furrowed. Damn kids playing pranks! He would find whichever one did it and give his neck a good wringing.

Just as he was ready to shut the door, a small sound caught his attention. His eyes drifted down to the floor, and his heart went into overtime. A carseat?

What the hell was a carseat doing sitting in front of his door?

Even more important, what was a _baby_ doing sitting in a carseat placed strategically in front of his door?

Fully expecting this to be one of Spencer's asshat tricks, Lassiter stuck his head out and searched the hall. It was completely deserted. His brow furrowed as he knelt down in front of the carseat. Nestled in a pink blanket, a baby slept peacefully despite his growing panic. Once more Lassiter searched the hallway. Still there was no one. Knowing he couldn't leave the baby unattended, he struggled for a long moment before he leaned down and curled his fingers around the handle of the carseat. The baby didn't make a sound as he carried her carseat into his apartment, closing the door behind him with his foot. He carried her over to the counter and set her there, then looked at the clock. If he didn't leave in the next five minutes, he would be late for work. But he couldn't leave the baby there alone.

A small white envelope tucked against the baby's leg caught his attention. With trembling fingers, he reached out and plucked the envelope from the carseat. On the front, his name was written in a familiar scrawl. He quickly opened the letter and pulled out a single sheet of paper from within. His heart started racing again as his eyes scanned over the letter.

_Carlton,_

_I don't even know how to begin this letter. You were so amazing to me, but I couldn't stay. You were better off without me. Then I found out I was pregnant, but there was no way I could keep her, so I'm leaving her with you. Her name is Emma, and she's six weeks old today. You've always wanted to be a father, and I know you'll take care of her like I can't. I love you both, and I'm so sorry._

_For all eternity,_

_Marlowe_

For a long time he simply stood there, the letter clutched in his trembling hands. When he had awoken the morning after their first real night together, she had been gone, and he had blamed himself for chasing her away, as he did every woman who walked into his life. He wasn't meant to be happy with a woman. He just wasn't.

His eyes went to the sleeping baby in her carseat. He wanted this child to be his, and at the same time he didn't. What kind of father could he possibly be to this baby? Of course he wanted children, but he wanted them when he was in love with and married to the woman he would spend the rest of his life with. Was that so much to ask?

Apparently it was.

He couldn't keep this baby.

He couldn't keep her.

She opened her eyes and yawned sleepily, and he felt himself inhale sharply.

She had his eyes.

* * *

Across town, Juliet was out on her daily run. Her earbuds were in her ears and music was blaring, sending her heart racing and her pulse pounding with every step she took. She had left Carlton asleep on his couch hours ago, but the memory of being held by him for hours was still fresh in her mind. Shawn had already called her six times and texted her at least twenty more, but she had been ignoring them while she tried to sort out her thoughts and feelings. She loved Shawn very much, and Carlton certainly had the right idea. She needed to tell Shawn she would live with him, but she wasn't ready to be married just yet. Simple as that.

Except it wasn't as simple.

It wasn't simple at all.

Her feet moved faster and faster against the concrete, carrying her farther from home and her potential new home.

She couldn't run away from her problems, but she could certainly try to forget them for just a little while.

* * *

The baby was still staring at him inquisitively when he picked up his phone. He had no real proof she was even his, and until he knew one way or another, he couldn't allow himself to get attached. So he called the chief, and once she finally believed that yes, there was a baby in his apartment, she told him to bring the baby down to the station and they could take a DNA sample from both of them. It was the best idea he'd heard all morning, so he quickly got dressed and carried the baby downstairs, to his Fusion. It took him a few minutes to figure out how to strap the carseat into place, but as soon as he did, he was in the car and driving toward the station.

When he arrived at the station, he quickly retrieved the baby from the backseat and carried her inside. What he was not expecting were the looks of disbelief and sheer astonishment from everyone, from Sargent Allen to Buzz McNab. McNab actually had the audacity to lean over and try to touch the child. Lassiter shocked everyone, including himself, when he slapped McNab's hand away and growled, "Don't touch her!"

Everyone kept their distance after that, but they still stared and someone even had the nerve to awe at them. Lassiter huffed as he carried the carseat into Vick's office and closed the door behind himself.

Vick was waiting for him with a strange expression on her face. "Is this her?"

"No, it's a stunt baby," Lassiter grumbled, setting the carseat on Vick's desk. "Yes, it's her."

"And you think Marlowe is her mother?"

He grabbed the letter and showed it to the chief. "She left her in the hall outside my door."

Vick read over the letter. "Emma…" Nodding, she handed the letter back to him. "Woody is waiting downstairs to take DNA from you both."

"Chief, I don't want-"

She waved a hand. "Doesn't matter. He can compare the DNA quickly and discreetly. If she's not yours, we need to take her to Child Protective Services. If she's yours, then…"

_If she's yours_… His head started to spin again. There was an excellent chance he was a father, and all he could feel was anger. How could Marlowe have kept something like this from him? How could she not tell him he was a father?

The baby began to fuss in her carseat, and Vick leaned over, unbuckling the little girl.

Lassiter frowned. "Chief…"

"This is part of being a parent, Carlton." She easily lifted the baby and settled her against her shoulder. "Did Marlowe leave a diaperbag with her?"

He shook his head.

"Bottles? Diapers? Anything?"

Again he shook his head.

"Perfect," Vick groused. "How did she expect you to feed her?"

"I'm not sure she expected anything," Lassiter said bitterly. He crossed his arms over his chest almost protectively.

Moving around her desk, Vick placed the baby in his arms.

Immediately Lassiter froze and stared at the tiny bundle in his arms. He curled his arms around her without thinking. How could he do this by himself? A baby, especially a baby girl, needed her mother. What had Marlowe been thinking?

There was a knock at the door, and Juliet poked her head in. Lassiter couldn't turn fast enough, and her expression was one of shock as the sight before her registered.

"Carlton, is that a baby?"

She quickly entered the office, closing the door behind herself.

Lassiter noted the look of longing in O'Hara's eyes. Oh, this was just perfect. Now she would rush back to Spencer, they would get married and she would have all the babies she wanted. Unless…

No.

Absolutely not.

He would not even go there.

There wasn't even a chance of it happening.

Coming closer to him, she reached out and gently touched the baby's cheek. "She's beautiful," she breathed.

"Thanks," he muttered gruffly.

"O'Hara, I'm glad you're here. I need a favor."

Lassiter looked at the chief. She wouldn't…

"Of course, Chief. What is it?"

"I'll explain later, but right now, I need you to take Carlton shopping."

Of-freaking-course.

To Be Continued...


	4. My Little Girl

Chicken Little is an actual baby store in Santa Barbara. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Within an hour, Lassiter found himself in a sea of frilly pink outfits and impossibly tiny white socks. Juliet had brought him to what she declared to be the best baby store in Santa Barbara: Chicken Little. All around them, mothers in all stages of pregnancy and mothers with little ones in tow were oohing and ahhing over tiny outfits and hand-carved cribs.

Juliet had insisted on leaving the carseat in his Fusion, opting to carry little Emma in her arms. He didn't argue with her; he still wasn't sure how he felt about all of this and at the moment he just needed some time to process everything. But at the same time, he didn't miss how beautiful Juliet looked with a child, his child, in her arms. The woman was made to be a mother.

"Now, we're just getting the basics, O'Hara," he said sternly when Juliet's eyes went wide at the sight of an ornate cradle. "Diapers, bottles, a crib, and that's it."

Juliet looked up at him. "Carlton, that's not all a baby needs."

"What are you talking about? Of course that's all she needs."

"No. She needs socks, clothes, a baby blanket, wipes, a bathtub-"

Holding a hand up to stop her, he shook his head. "She needs her own _bathtub_? What's wrong with the kitchen sink?" The kid was certainly small enough.

"Have you ever tried bathing a newborn? You have to support her head, and you can't have too much water—that's what a baby bathtub's for," she explained in a matter-of-fact way. "Trust me, you need it."

Just as he was about to argue with her again, a bubbly sales associate bounded over to them.

"Hello there, and welcome to Chicken Little!" Getting an eyeful of Emma, the woman whose nametag read 'Tracy' squealed in delight. "Oh, she's absolutely darling! How old is she?"

"Six weeks," Juliet supplied when his mind went blank. Again he was grateful for her.

"Well, you look fantastic! What can we help you with today?" Tracy queried, clapping her hands together.

"Quite a bit, actually."

Lassiter growled. He didn't need help buying anything for his child.

"Then we should get started. Has anything caught your eye?"

Lassiter lost track of how much money was spent as Juliet picked out a crib, cradle, baby bathtub, mobile, swing (what the hell did a six-week-old baby need with a _swing_?), diaper bag, bottles, and so many little outfits that his head swam. He wasn't even completely sure if this kid was his, and Juliet was moving with such certainty…

Eventually he gave up and moved away from the women, back toward the clothing section. Finding the newborn section, he began thumbing through soft material in different colors. All the little girl's stuff looked like it was drenched in Pepto Bismol. He huffed until his eyes fell on a soft pink shirt with the words Daddy's Little Girl written across the front. The words gave him pause.

He was a father.

He had a little girl.

His fingers trembled slightly as he reached out and pulled the tiny shirt off the rack, and that was where Juliet found him a few minutes later, still holding tight to the little shirt.

"Carlton? Are you okay?"

He finally looked at her, giving her the smallest of nods.

"Good." She shifted Emma to her shoulder and patted the baby's back. He noticed a diaper bag crammed full of packages was slung over her shoulder. "Everything is going to be delivered to your place in a few hours except the stroller and what's in the bag. I thought we could keep shopping and maybe go to lunch?"

Once again, he was mesmerized by the sight of Juliet holding his daughter. "Sounds fine," he managed.

Her face lit up. "Great! We just need to make up a few bottles for Emma."

"Yeah…"

He figured she had given the sales associate all his information along with his credit card, because she led him out of the store and back to his Fusion. He watched curiously as she placed Emma in her carseat and quickly made several bottles using the formula and new bottles they had purchased from the baby store. Then she retrieved Emma from her carseat and placed her in his arms before handing him the bottle. He froze. "Can't you do this?"

She was reaching for the stroller, presumably to unfold it. "You have to learn too, Carlton."

"But…I don't know how to feed a baby!" He stared down at Emma, who was starting to fuss.

"Here." Juliet returned to his side and repositioned Emma in his arms. Then she guided the nipple into the baby's tiny mouth. Emma quickly latched on, and Juliet's hands fell away. "See, there's nothing to it."

Lassiter stared at her in awe. "How do you know all of this?"

Juliet laughed warmly. "I have three nephews, Carlton. I've been around babies enough to know how to do this."

"Obviously."

"Try not to worry so much. You're doing great."

He only wished he felt as confident as she sounded.

* * *

After Emma was fed, burped and changed, Juliet settled her in the stroller and began pushing her. Lassiter followed alongside Juliet, and they enjoyed the warmth of the sun overhead. Though he had only spent a few hours with her, Emma seemed to be a quiet and easygoing baby. He had heard horror stories from his mother about how much trouble he had been as a baby, and the last thing he wanted was to see something of himself in such a sweet and innocent little creature.

Juliet picked out a small diner to eat lunch at. Emma slept through the meal, much to Lassiter's surprise. After the meal, he paid the waitress before he walked with Juliet outside again. Much of their walk back to the parking lot where his car was went by in a comfortable silence. He appreciated that he could simply _be_ with her and not make forced small talk. Once again he found his mind drifting into dangerous territory. Juliet was not his. She was with Spencer, as much as he detested the fact. Spencer was nowhere near good enough for her, but it was her choice and he had to respect it.

Just as she had promised, the delivery truck arrived at his place ten minutes after they did. Juliet stayed with the baby while the delivery men brought in package after package, until there was hardly space to walk through the living room. How on earth did a baby need so much crap? Then he looked at Juliet again, and her expression reassured him that he'd made the right choice.

Together they assembled Emma's crib, and just as they were finishing, Emma started to cry.

"I'll get her," Juliet volunteered, pushing herself to her feet. She came back a few moments later with Emma and a fresh bottle. Lassiter watched as she laid Emma in his arms again and helped him guide the bottle into the baby's mouth. Once the baby was settled, Juliet looked at her phone. Her expression turned dark.

"Crap…"

"What?"

"I have to go." She shoved her phone back into her pocket.

A swell of panic rose up in him. "Already?"

"Yeah. I have a date with Shawn tonight. We're going to talk about some things."

Of course… He was almost tempted to beg her to stay, but as her partner (and nothing more) he had to respect her life outside of work. Still he felt compelled to somehow find a way for her to stay. But all that left his mouth was, "Oh."

She glanced at him as she pulled her purse over her shoulder. "Are you okay, Carlton?"

No, he was nowhere near okay. He wasn't ready to be left alone with Emma, even if he was her father. He had absolutely no experience with babies. What if she cried? What if she got sick? How could she leave him alone with her? "Of course I'm okay, O'Hara."

"Good. Be sure to shave in the morning."

His eyes went wide. "What in the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"If Emma rubs her head against your chin and your stubble scratches her, she'll cry."

Of course she would! How could he have not known that? "Right."

Leaning down, Juliet ran her fingertips lightly over Emma's cheek. "You'll be fine," she reassured him. "You both will. Feed her every two hours, and put her to bed around six."

The scent of her perfume was intoxicating, and he was assaulted by memories of the night before. He wanted to hold her again, but it wasn't going to happen. She would have dinner with Spencer, they would work everything out, and she would be happy. How could he want anything else for her than for her to be completely happy with her life? She wouldn't be happy with him, even with Emma now in the equation. What kind of woman would tie herself down to a single father?

An amazing one.

Nodding stiffly, he returned his gaze to his daughter. "Go on. We'll be okay."

"I know you will." To his shock, she leaned over and kissed his forehead. Before he could form an adequate response, she was gone and he was alone with Emma.

* * *

Juliet regretted leaving the moment she shut Carlton's front door.

She had spent the entire day getting a taste of a life, a _real_ life, with him, and she wanted more. How had she not figured it out before? Carlton was a rare, elusive breed, the man who wanted to be married and settled down. Before Shawn Spencer, that was exactly the type of man she had always pursued. A man who was situated in his life, who knew who he was and what he wanted in life. It was exactly the reason she had always dated men older than herself, with the exceptions of Scott and Shawn. Once again, she found herself wondering what she had seen in Shawn. He was a good man, but he had the emotional maturity of a seven year old. And just when she thought he was making progress, he did a total 360 and proved her wrong, every single time. But her heart wanted to give him every opportunity, at the risk of tears and heartache. He wanted to marry her. Wasn't his proposal a sign of maturity?

More to the point, would he be enough for her?

* * *

They arrived at the restaurant at just past six, and Juliet had to admit, she was impressed by the restaurant he had chosen. The Blue Rose was almost impossible to get into without knowing someone who worked there, and they wound up at the best table in the whole place.

Conversation was kept to a minimum and was mostly small talk as they ate dinner. When dessert arrived, Shawn gave her a smile.

"Jules, I have something I want to ask you."

She looked up from the chocolate soufflé in front of her.

"I know things have been a little…crazy lately, and last night didn't exactly go the way I'd hoped. I know it wasn't what you wanted. So…"

She gasped as he slipped from the chair to his knee in front of her. Was he really doing this here and now?

"Juliet, will you do me the honor of marrying me?" He produced a small box and opened it. Inside was a ring she recognized as his mother's.

Juliet froze.

Shawn stayed there, just staring up at her with wide-eyed optimism and hopefulness. "Anytime now, Jules," he finally whispered, gently nudging her knee with his elbow.

Never had she felt so trapped by what she wanted and what she needed. She wanted to be happy with Shawn, to accept his proposal and know she would love him for the rest of her life. She n_eeded_ some space and time to reconcile what she was feeling. The image of Carlton smiling at her and holding Emma popped unbidden into her mind. Carlton didn't want her. Shawn did.

"Yes, Shawn," she finally whispered. "I'll marry you."

* * *

After putting Emma to bed, Carlton spent a few hours unpacking all the boxes and assembling different things Emma would need. Then he cleared out his guest room and put Emma's dresser in it, along with her bouncy seat and several large packs of diapers and wipes. Afterward, he washed all of the tiny outfits Juliet had picked out before he put them away in Emma's little dresser. Realistically, he knew he was potentially setting himself up for a hard fall if Emma turned out not to be his. But in his heart, he knew he was looking at his daughter. He just knew it.

Every two hours, he stopped whatever he was doing and fed Emma a bottle, then checked her diaper before he put her back to bed. He was becoming glad Vick had given him some time off. He would be in no shape to go to work in the morning if he kept this up all night.

Shortly after ten, just as he was getting ready for bed, his phone began to ring. A glance at the screen told him it was O'Hara, and he grabbed it. "O'Hara?"

There was a slight pause. "How are you and Emma doing?"

"Fine." He sat down on the edge of his bed and kept his voice low. "We're fine."

"Good. Good." Another pause.

"Are you okay, O'Hara? Aren't you supposed to be on a date with Spencer?"

"I was. I am. We just got home, and I wanted to call and check on you…"

He wasn't sure if he should feel grateful or annoyed. "We're fine, O'Hara."

"Yeah…I knew you would be."

"Look, I should go. I hope your date went well. Good night, O'Hara." Before she could reply, he ended the call and scooted up to the head of the bed. As much as he wanted to be there for O'Hara for the inevitable crash she was about to experience, he now had another woman in his life who took priority over his partner and best friend. As he rested his head on his pillows, he looked over at the crib where Emma was sleeping peacefully.

"Good night, Emma."

* * *

On the other side of town, Juliet blinked back tears as she set her phone down and glanced at her left hand. The engagement ring was beautiful, but it felt heavier than anything she had ever known before. She could hear Shawn singing offkey in the shower. It had never bothered her before, but tonight, she wanted to bury her head under a pillow and drown out the noise. She loved him, but could she really do this for the rest of her life?

Absently twisting the ring on her finger, she opened her closet door and searched for her Miami U t-shirt. It was old and ratty, but she refused to throw it away. As she touched the material, she realized it was like her relationship with Shawn. She loved it and at the same time, she knew she could do better. But she still clung to it like a child clung to a security blanket, and eventually every child had to give up their blanket.

Sinking to the floor, she stared at the shirt clutched in her hands.

What had she done?

To Be Continued...


	5. Echoes of Angels

The next morning, Lassiter fed and dressed his daughter, then bundled her into her carseat and drove to the precinct. He was taking time off, but it wouldn't hurt anything to grab some files and go over them at home.

When he carried Emma into the bullpen, he was once again assaulted by almost every female there, as well as McNab. Countless questions were thrown at him, and he began to regret bringing Emma inside. Fighting his way through the group, he went to his desk and began gathering files.

Juliet was sitting close by, and their eyes met briefly.

"Lassie!"

Lassiter cringed at the familiar voice.

Spencer came jogging up in his normal fashion. "Whatcha got there, Lassie face?"

He tried to turn to shield his daughter, but he couldn't move fast enough. Spencer stuck his face right in Emma's face.

"Oh my God, Lassie, you didn't tell me you had a pup!"

Lassiter turned his daughter away from Spencer. "She's not a pup," he growled, covering Emma's head protectively. "She's a child, and there was absolutely no reason for me to tell you about her."

"Aw, Lassie, you can tell me, buddy! Did you adopt her? I doubt any woman in her right mind would actually have sex with you, let alone carry your spawn."

Rage bubbled up, but Lassiter gritted his teeth and adjusted Emma in his arms. "Get lost, Spencer."

"No way! I want to play with Lassie Jr.!"

"Absolutely not." Gathering the rest of his files, he scowled at Spencer again, who just grinned like the buffoon he was.

"Remember, Lassie, no babies at the wedding!" Spencer called.

Lassiter paused briefly, but continued out of the squadroom, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.

* * *

The moment Carlton was out of sight, Juliet was all over Shawn. "What the hell was that, Shawn? 'No babies at the wedding'?" She crossed her arms over her chest and glared dangerously at her fiancé.

Shawn had the sense to look embarrassed. "Jules, babies are messy and sticky and they smell. Do you really want that at our wedding?"

"You mean do I want my best friend's daughter at our wedding? Yes, I do!"

His brow crinkled. "I thought I was your best friend."

Juliet had to count to ten before she could speak again. "You need to go, Shawn. Right now."

"Babe-"

"Go!"

He looked like a kicked puppy as he slowly turned and walked out of her sight. Once he was gone, she dropped into her chair and heaved a sigh.

Would loving him ever be easy?

* * *

"And that's why squirrels are evil, vile creatures that must be destroyed," Lassiter concluded as he fastened Emma's diaper securely in place and tossed the used one into her diaper pail. He turned back to his daughter and gathered her into his arms, settling her securely in the crook of his right arm.

Emma looked up at him with big blue eyes that mirrored his own. He smiled softly at her.

"I always wanted kids." He carried her into the kitchen in search of a bottle. "My father was never around. My brother moved out as soon as he could, and my little sister wasn't born until I was a teenager and absorbed in my own crap, so I never felt like I had siblings. I had always kind of hoped…" He sighed and reached into the refrigerator, retrieving a bottle. "I had always hoped I would have at least three or four kids, so they would never be lonely like I was."

Once the bottle was warmed to his liking, he popped the nipple into her mouth and rested back against the closest counter as Emma sucked on her bottle.

"I don't know if it's going to happen now. We still have to do the DNA test, but I know you're my daughter. Marlowe, your mother, she was a fluke. I don't think there's another woman in the world who could love me, and now there's you…" He gave her an apologetic look. "Not that I think you're holding me back or anything. You're not. Women weren't lined up at my door to date me before. Why should it be any different now?"

Emma waved a tiny hand.

"Yeah, exactly. You're the most important woman in my life now, Em. It's going to be just me and you. Is that okay with you?"

He held her closer and sighed.

"You're all I need."

* * *

The week seemed to blur by as Lassiter grew more and more anxious about Friday. He knew Woody would have the DNA results then, and either way his life would change forever. He barely spoke to Juliet unless it involved a case, and at least Spencer seemed to sense his mood because he stayed the hell away, much to Lassiter's relief.

When Friday finally arrived, Lassiter woke up early and got Emma ready before getting dressed himself. The drive to work seemed to drag on and on, until they finally arrived.

Woody was expecting him when he walked in with Emma. "Detective Lassiter! And there's the lovely lass everyone is making all the fuss about."

"Cut the chatter," Lassiter growled as he held Emma to his chest. "Do you have the results yet?"

The M.E. held up a manila folder. "Right here, Detective."

"Well?" Lassiter demanded through gritted teeth.

"Okay, okay." Woody opened the folder and looked over the paper inside.

Without conscious thought, Lassiter held Emma closer. He heard the door open behind them, followed by a gentle hand on his back.

Juliet…

He wanted to shrug her off. Didn't she have anything better to do than torment him, like planning her wedding to her asshat fiancé?

Woody finally looked up from the file in his hand. "Congratulations, Detective Lassiter! There's a 99.9% probability that little Emma there is your daughter."

A dizzying sense of relief washed over Lassiter as he looked down at Emma, _his daughter_.

"Congratulations, Carlton," Juliet enthused, but he barely heard her.

He was a father.

To Be Continued...


End file.
